I never know what to write as the subject of my e-mails. hence... the subject of my e-mails. haha.
Hi family. Bless your hearts for praying for me this week. I want you to know that I have felt like people are praying for me. When people pray in faith, God answers their prayers. So, when yall prayed for me, God blessed me. With strength and happiness and determination. We had a better week. Those are the magic words people want to hear. It wasn't a great week, but it was better than the last one.
I got your letters, Mom and James and your package Mom. It was open when I got it out of the mailbox, but I think everything was inside. It was a Mo Tab CD, the pills, and the CD that James burned for me. I am so grateful for all of those things, you have no idea. Thank you! Sister Mokeaki got your letter, Mom. She liked it a lot. Did you get hers? She wrote you one.
Sister Mokeaki is doing fine. She is really used to people doing things for her when she gets stressed out. Which I refuse to do. If I do that, she will just continue on expecting other people to solve her problems instead of stopping and thinking. When I was thinking about this, though, I realized that I do what she does as well. It's just not as obvious, it's in the less apparent problems. Sometimes I get upset when something gets too hard and ask someone else to take the problem and fix it for me. We are here to help each other out, and God is always there to help us, but He wants us to learn to solve problems for ourselves. That's why we're here, hello! I'm glad I realized that. Now, when I have a problem, I want to think about the solution. How can I "make it happen"? We have this thing in our mission called "The Accountability Ladder" and it goes up from the bottom ("I am oblvious or unaware", "I blame and complain", etc) to the top ("I seek solutions", "I make it happen") And I really like it. I want to get better and not making excuses. Excuses are thee lamest things in the world. I make them too often, and people in general make them too often. I wish the church and the world were full of people who "Make it happen" rather than make excuses. Anyway. Soap box for the week.
The highlights of the week were on Wednesday when we had an hour until our dinner appointment and Sister Mokeaki said "I want to tract" so we did. I do not know why I despise starting tracting. It's because I assume everyone will reject us, I think, so I'm like "What's the point? Why should we waste our time and feel rejected and sweat our brains out if no body cares?" But people do care. There are people ready for the message. We just have to find them. I know there is a family in Baytown who is ready and waiting to hear the gospel. If we are worthy, God will lead us to them. Fo sho. Because He wants us to find them. Tht's why it is so important to talk to everyone. Because you never know who is ready. We ask a lot of people "How did you get in contact with the missionaries?" and they have different stories about their journey to the gospel. So when I see people when we're out, I think about how they might say in ten years (when they're feeding the missionaries and the missionaries ask) "Well, I was just out on the street..." or "I was in my house and they knocked on the door..." we never know who is ready! It is hard for me to talk to everyone. Sometimes I don't do it. But I will keep trying, I really want to do it. Anyway so we tracted and we got "No," "No," "No" "No way" "No."And then we started meeting people who invited us back. And one who invited us in. Her name is Christina and she invited us in to pray for her family. I ended up letting her borrow my talk "Good Things to Come" (pray that I get it back, please!) and she is semi-interested. We also met this man named Vince and when we went back to teach him, it turns out his wife's father in the Philipines is a member. So we are going back to teach them. I don't think they're super interested, but we'll go back.
Friday we met with our new Stake President, President Howard. He is my hero. He is so awesome. I think he's 42, that's what I gathered from his talk. He told us the story of the Battle of San Jancinto, which took place right in Deer Park. Which was my AREA last transfer. So cool. It with the one where Sam Houston said "Remember the Alamo" I believe. President Howard talked about how they were fighting for agency in that battle. And that's the war we fought before we came to earth, too. And when we talk to people, they ahve the whisperings of the spirit and the whisperings of the devil trying to persuade them. And how when we talk to them if they're ready, they are sandwiched by the spirit. It was a cool talk. He is my hero, like I said. He was like "We want to make sure you're getting fed. If it's not happening I want to know about it." And that was so awesome because, no, it is NOT happening in our ward. It's not that I want to eat the members food. I want to get to know them so that I can know who to call to help with missionary work and MORE than that who I can help with their missionary work. So many people still think that the missionaries are there to DO the ward's missionary work. Um, false. We are there to help the WARD do their missionary work. We are there to help the ward do their own missionary work. I wish people could understand that. We're there to serve and help them. It really irks me when people make me feel like I was "sent forth to be served" instead of "sent forth to serve".
Sunday I went back to Pasadena II for a baptism! Mr. Bill, who lives in the missionary's complex finally got baptized. He is the sweetest old man, and we were worried about his comprehension. But he's got enough of it to understand the gospel. At the same time, Sister Shaeffer's great-grandson Logan was getting baptzied. It was WONDERFUL to see everyone. The Bishop still thinks we're a joke. So whatever. But I saw all those other people that I love love love. I really do love them. Writing this I realize I need to stop depending on Mokeaki to get to know people in the ward in Baytown. I need to be proactive there. Ugh. I want to, but I don't want to. I'll work on it.
Until Friday, last week was just like the previous week. I was very unhappy. But Friday a couple of things happened and I felt much better. It's still so overwhelming. I don't know how to be a missionary for me AND for Mokeaki. I don't know how to focus on her and on missionary work at the same time. It's very frustrating. Very very very frustrating. We'll keep working. Hopefully things will improve.
I love being a missionary. I still loved it even before the last e-mail, I just didn't feel like we were doing missionary work and that frustrated me. But I don't want it to be over. I just wish I was more of a servant, more of a missionary. I wish I wish I wish I was better. ( recently I totally hate the word "better" for some reason). I was thinking this week about what the phrase means "At all times, in all things, and in all places." And when I was thinking about it I was thinking of Kelley Taylor who is moving this week or next week I think? Right, Kelle? I was thinking that it means we, as latter-day saints, are the same. We are constant and confident because we know our Savior. No matter where we go, we are the same - we are the faithful unchangeable witnesses He needs in the world. We are the light of the world, because we know Him - the source of the light. And how even though my dear friend Kelley is moving across the country - to the south yeehaw I'm way excited for her - she will be okay becuase she knows who she is. She will be secure because she knows who she is. She knows who He is. We are so blessed. Oh my word, we are so blessed. I can't believe it. That song, "All Times, All Things, All Places" is my favorite song lately. This is how it goes:
It's not in the letter I can't wait to open,
It's not in the badge that will carry His name,
It's not gonna grow in just 3 weeks of study,
Or magically come when I get on a plane,
So today I'm becoming who I'm meant to be:
The worthy, unshakable witness He needs
At all times, all things, all places
I will sing and shout His praises
I will tell the whole world that I know what His grace is
At all times, in all things, in all places
It comes as I study the words of the prophets
And think about all that those words mean for me
As Abraham's son I am part of the promise
That all of the earth would be blessed by his seed
I know what my Savior expects me to be:
The faithful, unchangable witness He needs
At all times, all things, all places
I will sing and shout His praises
I will tell the whole world that I know what His grace is
At all times, in all things, in all places
All eyes, all ears, all hearts, all faces
All rich, all poor, all life, all ages,
All roads, all doors, all ends, all nations,
All earth, all kin, all tongues, all races
At all times, all things, all places,
I will sing and shout His praises,
I will tell the whole world that I know what His grace is,
At all times, in all things, in all places.
For real. Listen to it. Cause it's the best. We know what our Savior expects us to be. - faithful unchangeable, worthy unshakable. We just need to go make it happen right?
Please keep praying for me. I seem better, but it's really hard every single day. Please pray for me and send me letters. The letters yall sent on tuesday didn't get here til saturday. So the sooner you send them, the better. Muchas gracias.
I love you. Thanks for telling me about san fran! sounds soo fun! I wish yall could be missionaries for a week with me in texas for a vacation. that would be neato, huh?? but yours was a close second, right? Please, write me and tell me about your week.
Mom, will you write me (I know you will :] but i'm being a missionary and committing folks)
Dad, will you write me ( I think you said you are sending one)
James, will you write me (I got your letter and I loved it)
Jonathan Ray Hicken, will you write me already???
Love yall. Keep on making it happen in the 84121 :]