Man alive...

 Monday, July 23, 2012 11:13 AM

I never know what to write as the subject of my e-mails. hence... the subject of my e-mails. haha.

Hi family. Bless your hearts for praying for me this week. I want you to know that I have felt like people are praying for me. When people pray in faith, God answers their prayers. So, when yall prayed for me, God blessed me. With strength and happiness and determination. We had a better week. Those are the magic words people want to hear. It wasn't a great week, but it was better than the last one.

I got your letters, Mom and James and your package Mom. It was open when I got it out of the mailbox, but I think everything was inside. It was a Mo Tab CD, the pills, and the CD that James burned for me. I am so grateful for all of those things, you have no idea. Thank you! Sister Mokeaki got your letter, Mom. She liked it a lot. Did you get hers? She wrote you one.

Sister Mokeaki is doing fine. She is really used to people doing things for her when she gets stressed out. Which I refuse to do. If I do that, she will just continue on expecting other people to solve her problems instead of stopping and thinking. When I was thinking about this, though, I realized that I do what she does as well. It's just not as obvious, it's in the less apparent problems. Sometimes I get upset when something gets too hard and ask someone else to take the problem and fix it for me. We are here to help each other out, and God is always there to help us, but He wants us to learn to solve problems for ourselves. That's why we're here, hello! I'm glad I realized that. Now, when I have a problem, I want to think about the solution. How can I "make it happen"? We have this thing in our mission called "The Accountability Ladder" and it goes up from the bottom ("I am oblvious or unaware", "I blame and complain", etc) to the top ("I seek solutions", "I make it happen") And I really like it. I want to get better and not making excuses. Excuses are thee lamest things in the world. I make them too often, and people in general make them too often. I wish the church and the world were full of people who "Make it happen" rather than make excuses. Anyway. Soap box for the week.

The highlights of the week were on Wednesday when we had an hour until our dinner appointment and Sister Mokeaki said "I want to tract" so we did. I do not know why I despise starting tracting. It's because I assume everyone will reject us, I think, so I'm like "What's the point? Why should we waste our time and feel rejected and sweat our brains out if no body cares?" But people do care. There are people ready for the message. We just have to find them. I know there is a family in Baytown who is ready and waiting to hear the gospel. If we are worthy, God will lead us to them. Fo sho. Because He wants us to find them. Tht's why it is so important to talk to everyone. Because you never know who is ready. We ask a lot of people "How did you get in contact with the missionaries?" and they have different stories about their journey to the gospel. So when I see people when we're out, I think about how they might say in ten years (when they're feeding the missionaries and the missionaries ask) "Well, I was just out on the street..." or "I was in my house and they knocked on the door..." we never know who is ready! It is hard for me to talk to everyone. Sometimes I don't do it. But I will keep trying, I really want to do it. Anyway so we tracted and we got "No," "No," "No" "No way" "No."And then we started meeting people who invited us back. And one who invited us in. Her name is Christina and she invited us in to pray for her family. I ended up letting her borrow my talk "Good Things to Come" (pray that I get it back, please!) and she is semi-interested. We also met this man named Vince and when we went back to teach him, it turns out his wife's father in the Philipines is a member. So we are going back to teach them. I don't think they're super interested, but we'll go back.

Friday we met with our new Stake President, President Howard. He is my hero. He is so awesome. I think he's 42, that's what I gathered from his talk. He told us the story of the Battle of San Jancinto, which took place right in Deer Park. Which was my AREA last transfer. So cool. It with the one where Sam Houston said "Remember the Alamo" I believe. President Howard talked about how they were fighting for agency in that battle. And that's the war we fought before we came to earth, too. And when we talk to people, they ahve the whisperings of the spirit and the whisperings of the devil trying to persuade them. And how when we talk to them if they're ready, they are sandwiched by the spirit. It was a cool talk. He is my hero, like I said. He was like "We want to make sure you're getting fed. If it's not happening I want to know about it." And that was so awesome because, no, it is NOT happening in our ward. It's not that I want to eat the members food. I want to get to know them so that I can know who to call to help with missionary work and MORE than that who I can help with their missionary work. So many people still think that the missionaries are there to DO the ward's missionary work. Um, false. We are there to help the WARD do their missionary work. We are there to help the ward do their own missionary work. I wish people could understand that. We're there to serve and help them. It really irks me when people make me feel like I was "sent forth to be served" instead of "sent forth to serve".

Sunday I went back to Pasadena II for a baptism! Mr. Bill, who lives in the missionary's complex finally got baptized. He is the sweetest old man, and we were worried about his comprehension. But he's got enough of it to understand the gospel. At the same time, Sister Shaeffer's great-grandson Logan was getting baptzied. It was WONDERFUL to see everyone. The Bishop still thinks we're a joke. So whatever. But I saw all those other people that I love love love. I really do love them. Writing this I realize I need to stop depending on Mokeaki to get to know people in the ward in Baytown. I need to be proactive there. Ugh. I want to, but I don't want to. I'll work on it.

Until Friday, last week was just like the previous week. I was very unhappy. But Friday a couple of things happened and I felt much better. It's still so overwhelming. I don't know how to be a missionary for me AND for Mokeaki. I don't know how to focus on her and on missionary work at the same time. It's very frustrating. Very very very frustrating. We'll keep working. Hopefully things will improve.

I love being a missionary. I still loved it even before the last e-mail, I just didn't feel like we were doing missionary work and that frustrated me. But I don't want it to be over. I just wish I was more of a servant, more of a missionary. I wish I wish I wish I was better. ( recently I totally hate the word "better" for some reason). I was thinking this week about what the phrase means "At all times, in all things, and in all places." And when I was thinking about it I was thinking of Kelley Taylor who is moving this week or next week I think? Right, Kelle? I was thinking that it means we, as latter-day saints, are the same. We are constant and confident because we know our Savior. No matter where we go, we are the same - we are the faithful unchangeable witnesses He needs in the world. We are the light of the world, because we know Him - the source of the light. And how even though my dear friend Kelley is moving across the country - to the south yeehaw I'm way excited for her - she will be okay becuase she knows who she is. She will be secure because she knows who she is. She knows who He is. We are so blessed. Oh my word, we are so blessed. I can't believe it. That song, "All Times, All Things, All Places" is my favorite song lately. This is how it goes:

It's not in the letter I can't wait to open,

It's not in the badge that will carry His name,

It's not gonna grow in just 3 weeks of study,

Or magically come when I get on a plane,

So today I'm becoming who I'm meant to be:

The worthy, unshakable witness He needs

At all times, all things, all places

I will sing and shout His praises

I will tell the whole world that I know what His grace is

At all times, in all things, in all places

It comes as I study the words of the prophets

And think about all that those words mean for me

As Abraham's son I am part of the promise

That all of the earth would be blessed by his seed

I know what my Savior expects me to be:

The faithful, unchangable witness He needs

At all times, all things, all places

I will sing and shout His praises

I will tell the whole world that I know what His grace is

At all times, in all things, in all places

All eyes, all ears, all hearts, all faces

All rich, all poor, all life, all ages,

All roads, all doors, all ends, all nations,

All earth, all kin, all tongues, all races

At all times, all things, all places,

I will sing and shout His praises,

I will tell the whole world that I know what His grace is,

At all times, in all things, in all places.

For real. Listen to it. Cause it's the best. We know what our Savior expects us to be. - faithful unchangeable, worthy unshakable. We just need to go make it happen right?

Please keep praying for me. I seem better, but it's really hard every single day. Please pray for me and send me letters. The letters yall sent on tuesday didn't get here til saturday. So the sooner you send them, the better. Muchas gracias.

I love you. Thanks for telling me about san fran! sounds soo fun! I wish yall could be missionaries for a week with me in texas for a vacation. that would be neato, huh?? but yours was a close second, right? Please, write me and tell me about your week.

Mom, will you write me (I know you will :] but i'm being a missionary and committing folks)

Dad, will you write me ( I think you said you are sending one)

James, will you write me (I got your letter and I loved it)

Jonathan Ray Hicken, will you write me already???

Love yall. Keep on making it happen in the 84121 :]

Monday July 16, 2012 Yep.

Well. We had a really bad week.

Monday night we had dinner with President and Sister Pomeroy. President Pomeroy is one of the mission president's counselors. It was really good. We had dinner with them and the Hermanas in Baytown. It was a good dinner. President Pomeroy is a scriptural genius. He is very helpful and we're lucky to have him. I wish I knew how to better utilize the people we have. Except at dinner I told President Pomeroy his name was weird. It was bad. Here is what happened "Do you know what John Wayne's real name was?" "Oh, I used to know..." "It was Marion." "Yes! I knew it was something weird..." "That's President Pomeroy's first name." Yes. That was how that went. Then we went to see John and Carol. We saw John every day as he prepared for his baptism. He is such a blessing to me in this awful time.

Tuesday we got to go to leadership training. Also a great blessing. It was awesome. We watched a video about Roger Bannister (I think) the first man to break the 4 minute mile. We talked about how he did it and then how after he did it, several more people did it right after. We watched a clip from the movie "Facing the Giants" have you seen it? I think it would be a good movie. You should check it out. We watched a part where the coach inspired the leader of the team to be a leader. I feel really guilty thinking about it, cause President wants me to be a leader and I just really don't feel strong enough right now. After that we went to see Olivia a recent convert and less active. She is 23 and her oldest daughter will be 8 in two months. Yikes. But we can help her I think.

Wednesday was okay. We taught a lot of lessons, but when we reported them, the district leader was like "So... how many new investigators do yall have today?" and I was like "um, okay, I am trying not to die over here. please don't belittle our good work."

Thursday was an okay day. We spent all morning trying to find someone to do hour of power with. If the mission wants us to do hour of power, I think the wards should be made to understand what the hour of power IS. No one gets it. I don't understand how they don't get it. I am going to explain it very clearly on Sunday. We did the hour of power and it was pretty good. We found a new investigator, B. She has 2 kids. I have been praying that we can teach a family and maybe they are them! I hope so.We had interviews on Thursday morning. They were fine. I feel like President just wants to hear "things are good. we are great." and sometimes thats not true. And it makes me disappointed in myself that I can't say it.

Friday was a hard day. But everything I prayed for happened. I couldn't think to pray for much, but I did pray for it to rain. And it did. And then I prayed that we would have some ice cream at a less actives house. haha I know, lame. but I thought I will feel better if I get some ice cream. Well, she didn't give us any ice cream. But after a huge affair trying to get someone to drive our investigator to the church for a baptism interview, they were having an ice cream social. so we got to have some ice cream made by liquid nitrogen. So He gave me some ice cream after all.

Saturday was a really hard day. But we had appointments with our less actives and that was nice.

Sunda was a really really hard day. I didn't feel good, i'm not sleeping well at all and I felt horrible at church and the whole ward talks to ME because they think mokeaki is just a place holder and so she doesn't listen and doesn't communicate well. So. Yeah. Then we had a baptism. Also people like our WML kept asking me what to do. I was like "This is yalls baptism. Not the missionary's baptism, it's the WARD's baptism. All baptisms are. Figure it out. I don't feel good." And sister cochran came and she just misses the ward oh so much and I'm like 'cool. come back and have them.' see such a bad attiude I have. I'm sorry for it but it's how i feel. I remember when I was in la porte, i would say "i love being a missionary I don't wan to go home." and sister cochran would say "no... i could go home that will be fine." and now the roles are reversed and i'm mad that im here and I don't want to be living in cochran's old area in her shadow. I want out and I'm not going to get it.

And here were are today.

We'll just keep struggling through. That's all we can do. I'm sure is extremely disappointing to president and to the members but whatever.

I'm glad to hear about San Fransisco, seriously I am! It sounds like yall had fun.

Mom, I didn't get your letter this week. I didn't get any letters this week except some from last week at leadership training. I don't know why the office is so retarded and can't forward my letters to me. it's awesome. my address is 305 w. baker #1215, baytown texas. I sent another e-mail with the whole thing so i'll check for it and send it again. But, mom I wanted to tell you about the coolest thing that happened.

Your letter to Sister Mokeaki made it. And when I gave it to her, she was all smiles and said "Oh, your mom so awesome!" And she read it and i watched her read it and her face was lit up the whole time. And then afterward she said "You want me to read to you?" and so she did. And then at the end she said again "Sister, your mom so awesome. I'm so happy." and then she put her face in her hands and started to cry. And she said "I'm so happy. I'm really grateful for your mom. I see her letter and I think "oh, I wish my mom can write me" but i know it's hard to them to write me. so I really appreciate it when I get this letter." and if I wasn't crying already she said "your mom, she really love you. she send you the letter and the stuff because she think "i really love her i want her to be happy. so even though it's a lot of stuff, i send it to her cause I think maybe it make her happy to get the letter and the package."" and basically I bawled like a baby. Thank you for writing her, mom. It mean the world to her. And thank you for being the best mom ever. She said she's going to write you back. I wish you could have seen the impact it had on her. I seriously cannot imagine not getting letters from my family. Because of the retarded mail service I haven't been getting any letters for the past 2 weeks since I've been in baytown (right when I probably could really use a letter, right? nice). and it has really made me sad. I know i'm spoiled and should be grateful for what I get, but just being honest. She is very strong. Just not at all prepared to lead this area. I do not know WHAT in the world posessed president to let her lead an area she had only been in for 6 weeks. It's not going well.

Dad, I liked your account of san fran. Sounds way fun! thanks for toasting to me. Hopefully all this with jonny going to school for a semester means i will get to see him before he leaves.If he goes December 13-19 I will be ticked. I will just sneak into the mtc and find him, that's all. Thanks for your quotes too. I love president hinckley i've been trying to read things from him he past few days. I love that second one, that's one that sister bouwhuis told me.

James and Jonny what's up? I would love a letter.

Well. that's what it is. I am feeling pretty bad. but whatever. I think it's mostly because I want to be a missionary so bad and I don't feel capable. I want to be good for my last 5 months and I just am horrified at the thought that I won't be amissionary forever and i am so failing at it right now. I don't want to regret any of it. it's so short and i so am not good at it. i just wish i was in la porte a lot. and i feel mad that i got la porte all to where i loved it and got the ward feeding us and a ward missionary that helped us and then... i get transferred to disfunctional city. i'm sure it's not disfunctional, i just don't know what to do and the ward from the get go doesn't love us and expects a LOT of us. ugh. i'm not a happy camper. Wish I was. Probably do'nt let jonny read this e-mail. this is not one of the better weeks in th elife of a missionary. ihope yall are well. just keep going. i've been listening to elder holland's talk "an high preist of good thigns to come" and it makes me feel better. Yall could make a cd of good talks for me to listen to if you'd like.

love you.

Sister hicken

in baytown

hola familia. Well. I was right. I got transferred and I'm in Baytown with Mokeaki. Things are fine. I like Mokeaki a lot. She's from an island called Kitibus, I think. or Kiribati. Anyway, it's by Fiji. She joined the church 5 years ago and she is learning english. She amazes me. She never gets any letters from her family. NEVER. They don't have mail on her island and they can't e-mail or something. So she is out here on her own. Bless her heart, it makes me so sad to think about. I know how it affects me when I don't hear from family so I can't imagine what she feels like. I would guess because of the trasnfer I didn't get any mail this week and it was the worst. I feel guilty thinking about how much of a baby that makes me. Sister Mokeaki is a very strong girl, that's for sure.

So. Baytown. I have such a bad attitude about it all, which is my problem. But I just don't know why, I don't want to be here. It's probably because I think I'm going to stay here for the rest of my mission. and Oh, my word. I do not want to. But since I think that, that is probably exactly what is going to happen. Too bad. I want to know how to be better. I'm just very unenthusiastic and tired. I'm sleeping better, but that's cause I bought some stuff called Melatonin at the Wal Mart on tuesday. I sleep fine, but then I'm in a haze all day long. Also a bummer. President told me that he sees me as a very strong missionary and that I am capable. I just don't feel strong. So that's a hard inconsistency for me.

Last monday I said goodbye to everyone. It was sad. I really did love La Porte. We had dinner with the Callens, who was our baptism at the end of May, Cassi. Then we went to see Lauro and Maria and sister Manzo and the Agnarssons. I will miss them all.

Tuesday was transfer meeting. It was fine. After the meeting we came back to baytown and saw some people. John Norris is getting baptized this weekend, on Sunday. He is cool. The elders started teaching him a year or so ago and his sister got baptized because of it, but he didn't. John didn't feel like the time was right. A couple of weeks ago he came up to the sisters at church and said "The time is right. I want to be baptized." so we are teaching him. He is very humble. I really like him and his sister.

Wednesday, the fourth of July, was kind of lame. We did have lunch with a family in our ward. the Cobabes. They are awesome. Sister cobabe was a missionary in korea, where she is from. She is completely non judgemental of us. Which is so nice. I hate it when the members are judgemental. Then we did service at a park for a community event. We were shoved in this little pagoda making pop corn. Sister Mokeaki didn't feel well so we went home and she went to bed.

Thursday pretty much all day was weekly planning. Which was glorious because I despise weekly planning. But for some reason, because I am trying to teach mokeaki how to lead an area, it was okay. Thursday night we tried some people but I cannot for the life of me remember who. Oh well.

Friday we had district meeting. Our new district is bizarre there are 2 sets of sisters and 1 set of elders. Crazy. The hermanas and the Elders and us in a district. It's fine. It's different. At night we ate with some members, the galavi. they were baptized 30 years ago. They are so cool.

Saturday... I also can't remember. We tried a bunch of people I think and saw a few. Oh. We taught Preston Peterson his new member lessons at the ward mission leaders house. It was great. I just love and adore teaching it makes me so happy.

Yesterday church was good. I like this ward. They are nice. There is a different energy about the ward, the ward council is very involved and energetic and it's wonderful. Also a member from the Pasadena II ward was there !! I was so happy to see her. It is so good to see familiar faces. However, the whole ward thinks mokeaki can't understand anything they say, so they are all asking me all these questions like "what about this? have yall done this? we need to do this." and i'm like "sweet. wonderful idea. I just got here on tuesday." i think i'm probably taking too much of this all on myself. But this is how I feel.

Today we had to get some stuff from la porte that I left. so we are back in the hood. it's nice. I know everything will work out and I know that God is in control but I'm just not a happy camper this week. For the past few days I haven't been. I really think it's because somebody called Baytown the Vortex. You get sucked in and you never leave. And that just sounds awful to me. I don't know why I don't want to be here in the first place, but I don't. I know I know terrible attitude. I don't know where it's coming from. I just don't want this to be my last area. I really don't. And because of that I feel like President is gonna leave me here forever. And by the end I'll be like "oh, i love it blah blah blah" but right now? don't love it. and I can't imagine how hard it would be for mokeaki to be here, but that's a little stressful for me. I don't know. Ugh I just feel terrible. I haven't felt like this since Porter. But whatever. President wrote me and said something like I am a leader and I don't feel like a leader. I don't feel strong. Why in the world do I feel like this? I don't care so much why as how do I change it? But I don't have any idea where it's coming from so I really don't know how to do anything about it. I think it feels like a prison sentence. That's what it feels like. I don't know WHY it does, but it does. Bondage baby.

Dad, thanks for your e-mail. It made me cry! You are so lucky! That is an awesome phone call. I want to meet her! Hows everything else? I know president told you not to talk about home, but you can tell me how life is.

Mom, how are you? I got your package from brother Christiansen today! Because the la porte sisters had it. Thanks for everything you're the best :] question, what should I do with all the clothes? do you want me to ship some of them back or leave them with other missionaries? I just have too much to transfer around. Well, maybe i'm never getting transferred again so I won't have to worry about it, but just in case?

James, how are you? I hope the summer is treating you well. I got a letter from Brit and she told me all about her engagement to Brad. How crazy is that?? Do you still hang out with them?

Jonny, what's up? How is life?

Family, I love you. This week is not a good one. I know that things will be okay again at some point. I just right now am feeling like dirt. I hope yalls week goes better. Please pray for me. And enjoy the summer :] It has been relatively cool this week, thank heaven! like high 80s. Very very nice.I'm going to freeze when I get home because 85 feels perfect and cool to me.

Love, Sister Hicken

Oh! P.S. would you PLEASE go on Lds.org/youth and click on music and download the following songs and put them on a cd to send to me? We can listen to these because they're on the church website.

• Arise (NOT "Arise tot he Mountain" just "Arise")
• All times, all things, all places
• Your light
• I will
• These are the days
• broken
• live like you believe
• more
• i will be ready
• drop by drop
• all is well
• The gift of our lives

at least those. And any others you can fit on there. Muchas gracias? James can you do that? I think it would be easy for you. Love ya!

oh and p.s. if you have a minute, write a seperate little note to mokeaki.:] i would love for her to get more mail.

getting transferred

Tuesday, July 3, 2012 1:45 AM

I'm getting transferred tomorrow. There are only 2 areas I can go to: Woodville and Baytown. And I am being negative nancy over here today. But I do know everything will be alright. I'm just nervous that I'm going to get stressed. Because... yeah. I think I know where I'm going and it's gonna be stressful. I know that God will take care of me and answer my prayers, but still I'm scared which is just so stupid but whatever. So that's the big news on the island. I am getting transferred. I have loved serving in La Porte. I've learned so many important things here and I've had so many good times here. At least I know that I can't stay anywhere longer than 4 transfers cause that's all I've got left. Four transfers are you kidding me??? That sounds really short, doesn't it? The past 4 transfers have gone by really fast. But now comes the dreadful summer and I'm so scared time is going to come to a screeching halt because of it. I have asked the Lord in my prayers for very specific and certain things and I know that where ever I go, I will be going there in part in response to my prayers. Becuase I prayed in faith. I just read Alma 31 last week and the last verse says basically "Everything that happened was just what Alma prayed for, because he prayed in faith."

So last week. Monday was good. All we did monday was go to dinner with a member. She is from texas but served a spanish speaking mission in Provo, Utah. Her family are all in active and part members so she is praying about having them over for family home evening. That would be neato.

Tuesday we met with Vance, he is one of our homeless men that we are teaching. They're not really homeless homeless (like, they don't live under a bridge or anything) but they are crashing at their friends' houses and don't have anything to do during the day. He is a weirdy, but so nice. We are teaching just the weirdest conglomerate of people. Oh my word.

Wednesday we finally got back in with Berenis. It was good. We taught her a lesson 1 and she was really interested in Joseph Smith and if he were persecuted after he had the first vision, so we set up a time to come and watch the Joseph Smith : Prophet of the Restoration DVD. It was good to see her. Then we had a bunch of appointments fall through. And Jillian is not sleeping very well AT ALL. So... basically I had a sort of cruddy week. But we did see a less active lady, Sister Schaeffer and talked to her. She craves the spirit that we bring, you can so tell. Then we had dinner with the Corrs. They invited their niece over who had been at church with them on Sunday. Biana, the niece, has been abused and so right now she is living in a women's shelter. But she is very interested in healing and in being healed by God. So that was good.

Thursday we had a meeting with Robert. He is so funny. He just adores us. And Sister Page and the Powells for dinner. That night we went to Brother Samfords, our reactivated guy, and watched "The Testaments". OH my gosh. It was incredible. I can't believe I haven't ever watched it on my mission so far. I have always loved the very last scene where Christ heals Helam. But I loved it so much this time because then you see Christ, looking down at him and smiling and I remember what Elder Holland said "He can fix everything. How is it that we are so fearful? How is it that we have no faith?" I know that He can fix everything and that He loves us so much. I just felt that while watching the Testaments. He has overcome the world and why do we ever fear? He can save us from anything. If He doesn't do it, doesn't fix it, or to us it doesn't seem that way it's becuase we will be happier in the long run.

Friday was fine. All we did was go see Angie and then go to the Ward Social. It was good. Our investigators Mr. Bill and Bianca came.

Saturday was bad. We went over to sister Manzo's though and watched Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration. She had never seen that and she just cried. While we were watching that I thought about that quote from President Hinckley when he was talking to the missionary who'd been disowned. He said "How did you do that, when your family reacted this way and etc etc" And he said "It's true isn't it?" President Hinckley said "Yes, it is true." And the missionary said "Then what else matters?" I love that. It's true. I wish I was a better missionary. Saturday night we met with Mr. Bill. He's been coming to chruch for months and we finally got to teach him. He is going to be baptized July 21. That will be cool.

Yesterday because it was transfer sunday everyone was nice to me. haha they all want to see you before you go, but they never have done anything for me while I was there. It's funny. We did see the corrs and teach bianca after church and then we went to the Paris (where we taught Jonathan). I miss Jonathan. He is so great and he needs to be baptized. Sister Paris does too. She has a testimony I cannot think WHY she wouldn't be baptized. Brother Paris wanted to watch "How Rare a Posession" haha I watched 3 movies this week. That is so funny. It was good though because I feel awful this week. I am SOOOO sick of not sleeping. I hate it. And when I don't sleep, I feel like crap all day but I can't sleep during the day because I am a missionary and I literally cannot shake the guilt. And the desire to be out working too. But all in all I am just tired and stressed about transfers. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer today. things are not as bad as they seem. it will all work out. I know that. I just am tired.

Well, we've got to trot. Dad thank you for your e-mail. It's weird to me that President E-mailed yall. Is it because i am going into my last 4 transfers? I don't get too distracted by stuff that yall tell me about home. I wonder what some people tell their people that distracts them. I am sad that yall are selling Grandma's house, but what can you do? Haha I said yall in my testimony yesterday. It was so funny to me. Safe to say yall are gonna hear yall when I get back. I love you all. I hope you're having a good week. PLEASE write me cause I'm just very sad. It's not going to last forever, but I would love letters this week.

The Gospel is true, the Church is Christ's and I love it with all my heart. Read the book of mormon! Every day!!

Love, Sister Hicken

pictures

• camp hope!! hahah I have wanted to take a picture with this sign all transfer. Whenever we pass it I go "Camp hope camp hope we sing to you..." and think of tony perkis. "don't be afraid nicholas, come here." hahaha
• milla and garin at the ward party
• me and sister manzo ahhh i love her
• us and manzo. she is my hero.
• me and sister mccuen. i love her. she served in italy!
• me and the paris. love love love.

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long, long week

 Monday  June 25, 2012 10:48 AM

Hola family.

This last week felt long. We did a TON of finding and it is so hot and humid, so that's probably why. I'm mildly terrified of the approaching summer.

Monday was a good pday, zone pday. We semi watched the Best 2 Years... except the dvd was ripped from BYUTV and it was skipping every few minutes... so the movie was less than an hour long haha. But it was okay. We just hung out. It is so good to be with other missionaries sometimes. I love our zone. I don't know anyone in other zones, I feel like. Except Kingwood. Have I told you about our amazing district leader? He would be so awkward if he ever saw this haha. But I think he is such a good leader. I just want to be exactly like him. He motivates us to do better and then we actually do better. It's crazy. Anyway, I really like our district with the senior couple the Fuits. They are neato. Monday night we ate with a member, Sister Struthers, and then went to see Brock. The Hour of Power miracle. It was an okay lesson. We were like "Brock, if you want this, you have to read and come to church." And he was like "I do want this, I do. I will read." That was that.

Tuesday was Sister Training in Kingwood! Oh my gosh it was great. I love Kingwood. I am currently not sleeping again (glorious) so I was really tired the whole time. But President and Sister Crawford showed us the new missionary dress guidelines for sister missionaries on the computer and they are all so cute! I am so so so so haggard. For real. I just feel like I'm worn out looking and gross at all times. It's sick. But I did get a haircut last monday! Ah the Wal Mart! By Bernadette, the black lady with platinum hair. It was fun. I'm totally going to hair school when I get home! I've decided. Then tuesday night we exchanged and I went to spanishland with Hermana Hauser from San Diego California. She is the sweetest girl ever. I felt so so much love from her the whole time I was there, just acceptance and no judgement. She is not very confident, so if we served together all the time, I think that would grate on me, but since it was only an exchange I felt like I could build her up and then she just was loving in return. So awesome. I took a benadryl so I would sleep haha.

Wednesday was my dia de espanol! It was fun. They live by our Elders and the Zone Leaders so every morning they go play basketball with them. That was really fun. We had some appointments in the morning and tracted some and then we had lunch with a member. And HO.LY. CRAP. They have the best food. Oh my word. She didn't speak any English and mi espanol is no bueno so we didn't communicate much but I ate a LOT and apparently the hispanics like that. So I felt good about it. However, since I had my benedryl in me, I was zonked pretty much all day. It didn't help that it is now boiling, sweating hot and I couldn't communicate with people very well. I totally love spanish though! ahhh!!! I want to speak it. I can say words in spanish, but my grammar is really really non existent. So. My day in spanishland was good. It was good to come back, though.

Thursday we had 8 quality contacts (that's a LOT) and talked to a lot of people. We had dinner/hour of power with Angie the recent convert. She is awesome. She made the BEST chicken. It's better and healthier than fried chicken. I am learning some gooood recipes. We tracted and talked to two girls that we set up appointments with to go teach. One of them had been to Utah before! She was like "Yeah, but there's nothing to do in Utah." and we asked "Where did you go in Utah?" Cause she was there for some wilderness class. And she was like "In Vernal." And I was like "Yes. There is definitely nothing to do in vernal." hahaha it was really funny. Earlier in the day we had gone to see brock again and he was hanging out with his "best friend" and may have been high and he was like "Oh sorry, I haven't read and I forgot about yall coming over and I have to go over there with my friends yada yada yada." I'm fed up. So we will just do whatever we do.

Friday it was district meeting. I think I've gushed enough about my district for one e-mail. It was also my "one year in texas" mark. I flew in a year ago last friday. BIZARRE BIZARRE BIZARRE. I go back and look in my journal from a year ago and see what I was doing and how I was feeling and it's just insane how time has traveled. Seems like forever ago, but seems like yesterday. So cliche, but I can't explain it any other way. I was again exhausted but I'm rubbing off on my greenie and she kept thinking of people to go and see and stuff to do. That was nice. But I also just wanted to sleep so bad. It didn't happen haha. We saw these two people, Amy and Cory. They are cool, he has looked into religion before and they are open to us coming and sharing our message. I feel good about them. If they will do as we teach, they will find out and be so happy! She would be a great young woman's leader.We also taught this lady, Veronica, who was one of our quality contacts. It was a good lesson and the spirit was there. I love asking people to be baptized in the first lesson because it shows them we're serious and it brings up their concerns. I love it. We then had dinner with some people that I guess had been in our ward for 30 years or something and moved 8 years ago to Boise? Or something. Yo no se. Anyway it was really fun. They are full of life. And, whoda thunk, on their second marriage each. Man it's starting to mess with my mind!! I just really really only want to get married once, okay?? Then we went to the Agnarrsons! Their pugs had puppies! (don't you love pugs mom?) they are cute little babies.

Saturday we did some stuff around the apartment and I crashed! Not on my bike but phsyically. I laid down on the ground becuase I was boiling hot when we got in from trying to see our appointment (who bailed, by the way. Story of our week) and all the sudden I am waking up! I totally fell asleep. No bueno. I wasn't feeling well, sick to my stomach.. But I have no concept of when I am sick enough to be sick, you know? So that was saturday. A whole lot of nothing. And then Morris took us out to I Hop. Not a great idea for my stomach. But I made it! I was okay.

Yesterday we had church. I love this ward even with all it's challenges. It has taught me so much of what kind of church member I want to be when I go home. I've learned from what I've seen not work and some of the things I've seen work. And above all it has made me want to be a 20% person. Let me explain. When Elder Clarke was here he said "80% of people make excuses while 20% of people get it done." I want to be the type that gets things done. It is pointless to say (and it makes for an unfulfilling life) to live by excuses. If you can't do something, don't do it. Don't make excuses just don't do it and live with the consequences. If you CAN do something, DO IT. Just be happy that you have opportunities for growth. After church we had dinner with the Mitchells. Two weeks ago he had to be in the hospital becuase he's diabetic and his blood sugar was going nuts. They got home and got this book called "Eat to Live" and have been eating by what it says. In 2 weeks he has lost 12 pounds and she has lost 8. They eat a TON of food, but it's all vegetables. Yall should check out the book because not only are they losing weight, after 2 days Brother Mitchell halved his insulin intake. After another 2 or 3 days he has cut it out completely!! He is no longer taking insulin and his blood sugar is fine. CRAZY!!!! Can you believe it?? I thought that was a miracle. Plus dinner was delicious. Then last night afterward we went to see Lauro and Maria. They are the best, I love them so much. Lauro wanted to talk about Forgiveness, so I shared wtih him that story about Corrie Ten Boom and the concentration camp soldier who wanted to shake her hand. Mom do you remember? And she prays and says "I can't forgive this man. Please give me YOUR forgiveness." And then she shakes his hand. Remember? Anyway, he liked that. Because he said that only Jesus is perfect enough to really forgive others. And I said, you're right. We can't do it without him, but He can do it for us. He can help us do it. It was more eloquent than that because we were teaching. oh! jonathan came to church yesterday!!! We miss him a lot. It was good to see him.

Well that's my week. I am tired as can be all the time cause my body and brain wake up at like 5 and won't let me go back to sleep. You may say "oh, that's not that bad!" but I am trying to be a missionary and it makes me so tired in general anyway. And when I can't sleep it is worse. Sorry to complain. Negative nancy. I'm tired. But we will go on! haha

Mom, thanks for your letter and for the package!! You're the best. I am sad to hear about Grandma's house. Is that going to be done before I get home probably? Thanks for all the good juicy stuff haha. I am glad to hear that everyone's doing pretty good.

Dad, thanks for your little e-mail just now! Haha how was your week, you said busy? What's going on at home?

James, did you get my letter? I cannot remember where I put it if I didn't mail it. let me know if you didn't get it. How is life for you? How are the chica's. I forgot to give you an e-mail with my ex companion's info. Do you want it? Will you use it? is a better question.

Jonny, I seem to recall you saying you were going to write me a two part e-mail.... and yet... there is no part two...? hm. :] write to me. Thank you.

I love yall. The church is real and truly Jesus Christ's church. Too much proves that this is the case. there may be facts that contradict or questions that seem unanswered, but the bottom line is the life that you lead and the testimony that you feel and the spirit that is there. These things are not me. They interact with me, I guess, but they are not from me. I love the gospel. It helps me to be who I want to be.

I feel like I'm forgetting something... Shoot. I hate that. I love you so so so much!! Be good and have a good week.

Oh my word I love yall!

Monday, June 18, 2012 1:14 PM

Hi family! Guess what this friday I've been in Texas for 1 YEAR!!! I think that's called "residency" right? I'm starting to feel like my mission is just over. I actually cried (like real tears. crazy.) the other morning cause I just felt like it was speeding to it's finish and I can't do anything about it! And I'm not the missionary I want to be yet. (Yes. I did cry. I felt so retarded. But I was sad. So i did. So sue me.) I'm trying but I am also sooo not what I want to be. This week I had a big step in the right direction. I think if I double space this it might be easier to read? Sorry for my epistles being so long and psycho sometimes.

So. Last week was a good week. Monday we went out to eat with the oldest couple in the ward and the sweetest couple. He's our stake patriarch. And she is just so sweet. Everything she does is just so... genteel and southern. ha i spelled genteel right. Sweet. Anyway they took us out to eat at a seafood resturant and I am a scaredy cat so I got a hamburger. But afterward we went and talked to Kathy, their son's girlfriend who lives at their house and just got baptized February. She is so awesome. I hope they get married. Except it is weird to me that EVERYONE in texas is on their at least 2nd marriage. When we meet someone who has been married to one person, I'm shocked. It's crazy, just very different. Not bad, in fact the B's have the most solid relationship ever, but it's just sad to me that they had to have the trouble of divorce in their lives earlier. They are stronger for it though.

Tuesday we studied at the little park on the water by our house. Oh it is so beautiful. SO beautiful and we talked there about one of my goals. I've written it the past couple weeks I think: Talk to everyone. Let me explain the progression that this goal has undergone. I felt at first, like I should talk to everyone. That made me feel guilty that I hadn't talked to everyone and that I didn't want to. But then I examined it and realized that I actually want to talk to everyone I'm just afraid to. So I started to think about how I wanted to talk to everyone. But it didn't happen. So finally I wrote it in my journal one day. I knew that if I did, I would be accountable for it. So I put it off and put it off, but one day I realized that I simply just had to do it. So I did. After a week or so, I told sister Erickson that I want to talk to everyone. And I continued to bring it up when we talked about goals for the next two weeks probably. During this time we got put into the Spanish Zone and loaded with a Quality Contact goal of 13/week (crazy. Spanishland, for sure.) and we got our new district leader who is just a REALLY great leader. I don't know how he does it but he motiviates people a TON. I will observe how and get back to you. And then at the park studying sister Erickson and I talked about it. And we said "Okay, on the way home we're going to talk to 3 people we wouldn't otherwise talk to." and we saw this guy and we just walked over. It was awkward. But we got a return appt. And then we talked to another man down the street. Then we made a guy stop mowing his lawn haha and talked to him. Then we talked to a guy in his front yard and got a return appointment. All on one tiny road on the way home. And we kept doing it all day. On our bikes we would stop people or go over to people. And I did it!! AHHH!! It was so cool. It was amazing to see how God helped me reach my goal. He put everything in order to make it reachable. How cool is that? Does it sound cool to yall? Cause it WAS cool, I don't know if I'm making it sound as cool as it was.

Wednesday I wrecked on my bike! HA! It was my first bike crash, let me pain the picture for you. We're on our way to stop by a less actives house on this BUSY, long road (South Broadway/Old Hwy 146, if you want to Google Earth it) we were right the Little Cedar Bayou. And I think i might have overcorrected. I'm not sure. But all the sudden the handlebars were facing the opposite direction so obviously the inertia of the bike wasn't jiving with that so I went forward into the handle bars and then we went down, me and Daphne. My shoe flew into the road and I felt like I was going to puke. I've never had the wind knocked out of me, I guess. I just kind of crouched there sounding like I was gonna die cause I couldn't breathe and it hurt really bad. And then I hobbled over to the grass in case I was going to hurl. And sister erickson comes over and i'm like "Get my shoe!" and then she tells me I'm bleeding. (Not bad. I just realized that this might sound like I was really injured. I wasn't I'm totally fine. Just a gashed elbow and foot and a very sprained foot) sister erickson is like "do you want to go home and lie down?" and I'm in a daze so I'm like "no. let's just keep going. rebecca likes us to come in the morning" and then we got to rebecca's and talked to a man on his porch - Joe - and came back later and taught him and now he's reading the book of mormon and our new investigator! so that was good. Wednesday night we talked to Jonathan. We dropped him :[ We had to. We have to stay connected to our purpose and teaching him every week is not fulfilling our purpose. I was so sad. So was Sister erickson. We love jonathan a lot. I know that one day he'll be baptized, but he just needs to DECIDE.

Thursday was a LONG day where I felt so sore because hello I just wrecked on my bike yesterday and forgot to rest so all of my muscles hurt. We planned and did some work from the house in the morning and in the evening went tracting and had correlation mtg. Sister Manzo is my hero, just know that! She is changing things! I know I always say it but if one person can get a vision for what the Lord wants them to do they can literally change everyone around them.

Friday we had district meeting with our wonderful Fuits - the senior couple. Dad will you ask Grandma about kathy hicken? Friday my foot was going bonkers. I coudln't step on it without a TON of pain. But we taught angie and robert and morris and visited with the elders old investigators (finally!! we haven't been able to get in with them all transfer)

Saturday we all our appointments kind of bombed. That was awesome. But Sister Manzo took us to lunch and then to one of our appts that ended up bombing. I'm going to take a picture with her this week so that yall can see her and start the blueprints for the statue of her that you're going to make, right? haha for reals though she helps us so much.

Yesterday we had dinner with the Gallachers. oh the gallachers I love them. They're moving back to Utah probably so maybe I'll come see them when I get home? That would be so crazy but I'll do it. Then we saw Lauro and Maria and taught a plan of salvation lesson. Why do I ever teach anything but the missinoary lessons to pepole? I don't know. I love teaching the PMG lessons.

Today is Zone pday (we're watching the best two years hoorah!). Tomorrow I'm going on an exchange with the HERMANAS!!! I'm going to spanishland! I'm so excited! I love spanish so so so much and I love hearing it and learning it. And then it will be a normal week were we try to talk to everyone we see while we're out and I try to be a better missionary. I really want to be so much better than I am. But I am happy and grateful. I wonder if I should feel more discontent, because I sort of feel guilty that I'm so happy when I'm so not perfect. But I think that's just Jillian's mixed up thought pattern.

Sister Erickson is doing good. She's still adjusting but she's doing well and we're communicating well and I really love her. I wish I was a better trainer for her, but I just have done my best and I'm okay with that.

How are yall?

Mom, y ou're the best. I LOVED your letter to me. I laughed when you told me about Grandma and your outing, it sounds so sweet. I love Grandma. Will you tell her that when you see her next? I love her very much. How is work going? I think Rebecca Tingey was here last week? That was the rumor around the hood. haha. How are you feelihg? You said you were feeling sad kind of. That's okay. I told Sister Erickson this morning that she should let herself feel sad. And that she won't feel sad forever if she lets herself feel sad right now. I also loved your cookies thing! She sounds really smart. How is the ward? I miss the good old ward sometimes. Keep writing them.I just like to hear what you do with your days.

Dad, thanks for your e-mail! I loved it! I love to hear about your week and your advice and everything. I'm glad you got to see some of the people you saw. And that your fathers day was good. I cannot believe that last fathers day I was in the MTC!!!! AH! I feel ancient. For real, I'm going to come home and everyone will be younger than me. Keep your letters/emails coming! I love to just hear about your week. Also I wanted to know if you have one of those little baby tiny tape players. I know you used to have a gray one and I'm really hoping you didn't chuck it because mikelle sent me a tape and it's one of those like 1 inch big tapes and I can't listen to it cause NOBODY has a tiny tape player anymore. Do you have one? Let me know if you do, I want it!!

James thank you for your letter. I always freak out when I get a letter from you! It sounds like you're doing really good! I'm happy for that. Will you go out with one of my companions please?? I really want you to, I will write you an e-mail filling you in. And I'm mailing the letter I wrote to you tomorrow. Your bachelor party sounds fun! Keep telling me things about your life! How's the everything? Will you write me again :]?

Jonny!!!! Dude! I wrote you your own e-mail but let's just say that i am sooo happy to hear from you! Shoot, you sound mature. It's cool. And weird. You better finish the letter you said it was in two parts. How is work? How is summer? Are you getting a tan? I'm pretty sure you're the only member of our family who can really really tan. It's unfair. Just read my e-mail to you. Mmkay pumpkin?

I love yall! I think the theme of this last part here is I just want to hear about you!!! I want to hear about your week. I know it kind of is laborious to write it out, but please keep doing it!! I heard from you ALL this week and it made me so so soo happy.

I love being a missionary. I love this church and I adore this gospel. I love the book of mormon. read it every morning. Even just one verse. You have time to do that. Will you do it?? one verse every morning this week. Promise you're life will be better. I realize that I totally like bare my testimony in every letter haha. Oh well. so sorry. I'm what i am :] I'll be normal when I get home, I hope. Love you! Have a good week!

pictures:

• cassi's baptism i look so matronly. yucko.
• only in texas will you find a no guns sign in a public library. i love it.
• at the beach
• on the way to the temple
• at the temple
• again
• one year later!! we met a year ago this day. And I was wearing the same skirt. Neato.

...stay tuned I'lls end antoher picutre email!

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happy graduation jonnay

Jonny you are graduated!! That is so neato. I think you're probably on senior trip right now too. I went to Lake Powell when I graduated, you are just following in my footsteps. I guess you're going to BYU after all huh? :] Just kidding. How was graduation yall? I remember mine, how that teacher traipsed up and down the rows of kids, grabbing beach balls and stabbing them with her pen. ahaha it was so funny.

This past week was great. Let me tell yall about it.

Monday we went on exchanges. Sister Cochran and I went to Baytown and it was so necessary. It was so wonderful to talk to her. She is having a kind of difficult time right now, feeling the need to be so much better and overwhelmed with her companion and the area. Her companion is really awesome, Sister Mokeaki, but she is still learning english and it is difficult sometimes for people to communicate with her. Poor Mokeaki I can't believe how hard that would be. Anyway, it was a good exchange because we were able to talk a LOT about what she needs to do in her area (PLUS she's been in baytown for going on six months. I know how rough THAT is to be in one area and think youre going to stay there forever). So we talked and I was able to help her. It was really nice cause I was able to use some of the things that i've learned from struggling on my mission to help her. We are just meant to be friends. I can't believe I haven't always known her. We are just real best friends :] Can't wait for you to meet her!! T minus six months. Way too soon.

Tuesday we were still on exchanges and we didn't have a lot of sucess. But I felt rejunviated when I got back to La Porte. I was kind of sad not to be with sister cochran any more but it felt good to be home and with Sister erickson. She did great leading the area for the first time. I hope that I get transferred for her sake so she can know that she CAN lead an area. It will be hard and imperfect, but she can do it.

Wednesday we met with Berenis and we taught her some more commandments. She is not ready to be baptized becuase she can't commit to it. But it's because she doesn't have any support. It's hard to make big changes without support. We are going to keep working with her and teaching her how to make commitments. She is great. She said that she knows that God wants her to be baptized and that she wants to be baptized, but she also doesn't want to be baptized into our church. And we explained that baptism is the way it is in our church because of the preisthood authority. It will only do what you want it to do because it is done by the power and authority of God. We also met with Angie. It is so awkward to meet with angie because she just stares at us and we don't know what we are supposed to teach her. Also her kids are so cute but they want our attention and we can't always give it to them. So it's just a predicament. We also had dinner with the Edwards - they have this beautiful house that they are remodeling a little bit. but it's a really old house so it's more like they are restoring it. Oh my word, it is so gorgeous. It's old, you can tell it's old and the style is different from my style but the architecture is awesome. Mom, you would love it. I also found a neighborhood that we could walk when you come here with me. It's in shore acres, right by where I live. It's really nice. We had our correlation meeting. Once again, the difference one person can make is astounding. Sister Manzo is changing missionary work in this ward. It's really encouraging. I love her so much.

Thursday we had lunch with Morris is Southern Komfort Kitchen again. Really good. We had hour of power with the Pearsons and it went really well. I love hearing people's conversion stories. She said that her first set of missionaries came walking up her drive way and I think she was smoking a cigarette or something? And she said "So yall are going to convert me?" And they said "No I think we'll let the spirit do that." And she was really impressed by that. I think I'll use that if it ever comes up because it's true. we aren't going to convert anyone. We are simply instruments in God's hands. Neato.

Friday we had our first district meeting. let me tell you about our district, it's rad. We have us, Elder Backman (my old zone leader, now the district leader) and his greenie Elder Jensen they are opening up the Pasadena 1st Area as it used to be a south mission area, Elder Hope and Elder Marlar (who also used to be a zone leader) opening up Broadway 1 area to our mission, and the Fuits. They are a senior couple from Utah. Dad, can you ask Grandma if she knows a Kathy Hicken? From Utah? We've got to be related, i'm SURE. It was a great meeting. Elder Backman is a really good leader. I admire that about him a lot. He just gets inspiration and then asks us to do things and then if we dont' do them he asks us why and he doesn't sugar coat his disappointment. That is really annoying sometimes but it's genuine and I appreciate that a lot. It makes me want to be accountable because I know he's going to expect me to do it. We, for example, are now supposed to get 13 Quality Contacts a week. HA! That is such a spanishland goal (a quality contact is when you contact someone and set up a return appointment with them). But he wants us to get it so we're going to try harder. I know our leaders are inspired, though, because I've been praying for the strength and courage to talk to everyone and that's kind of what our district meeting was about. We have good leaders.

Saturday we did area book work for a little because our service fell through, and then we taught Brock, our investigator from the hour of power that was crying, remember? he's doing okay. And Brother Raymundo a RC/LA that we are trying to reactivate and had dinner at the Carpres an active family in our ward that have 4 adopted children. They're cool. And then we went to see Brother and Sister B. They are the sweetest old couple. Brother B is the stake patriarch and Sister B just hugs everyone and calls them "darlin" and she is a true southern lady :] I love the south!!

Yesterday we had church. OH MY GOSH I love church. I love our ward. I missed it a lot last week. I didn't realize how much until we got to church and I felt like "ahhh, yes. This feels good and normal and I am glad to be back." Our Bishop is back in town and it is good to have him back. Also we had a church tour after church with Sister McCuen, she is a returned missionary and served in the Italy, Milan mission (just like you Aunt Cindy!!) she said she had a lot of success on her mission but that it was REALLY hard work. Speaking of, Sister Ericksons dad served in Milan around the same time as Cindy. I wonder if she remembers an Elder Mark Erickson? That would be so cool if she does. Then we taught Jonathan. Oh my gosh, I really love Jonathan. And we are finished teaching him the lessons. And we don't want to be, but we are probably going to have to drop him. AH I have never wanted someone to be converted this much. Not just baptized, we dont' just want him dunked. We want him healed and converted and happy. And the gospel can do it, but he has to let it. I know that he would be so happy. OH so happy if he did what we're asking him to do. Jesus Christ can heal all wounds, even the ones that we're trying to prevent from happening. So if we just trust in him and live our lives, He will take good care of us. I know this. I am trying to apply it to what I REALLY want: to talk to everyone. I figure if I focus on it enough, then I will do it. Oh, Sister Crawford has helped me to change my life with that concept. Remember that mind coach book that she loves? Well sister erickson got it last week and we read it together and I thought again about how my life changed completely when I stopped doing "Guilt Beatings" When I change the word "Should" to "Want to" becuase I really want to do these thigns, I'm just afraid of them. So instead of feeling like "oh, I should talk to everyone" which in turn makes me feel like a failure, I think "oh, I want to talk to everyone." and then I know that it's my goal and it's just hard but if I want it I can work for it. Does that make sense? I love it. I love the Crawfords so much. Anyway, it was a good lesson with Jonathan. i'm glad I'm learning what it means to really love your investigators and desire their salvation. I'm sure I have more to learn, but this experience with Jonathan has made it super apparent.

So. How are yall?

Mommy, thank you thank you thank you thank you for the package!! My retainer is already moving my teeth back into place. It's very good. I have to take ibuprofen before I put it in or it will wake me up in the night haha. But it's getting better so thank you! Also thank you for the pistachio's specifically! I LOVE THEM. Oh I was so excited for specifically them. How is everything? How is work? How is summer? Dad said you went up to take care of Grandma last weekend? That is so good. I know that our Heavenly Father wants us to look after Grandma right now. I wish I was there to help. How is she? You're the best. How are you feeling?

Dad, thanks for your e-mail! You always tell me the thigns I want to hear about from you! I love it. How is work going? I am excited to come home and learn more about what you are doing with your job. It still doesn't make perfect sense to me, but I get it generally. Do you start prepping for next Stake Conference right away? did I tell you that I liked your talks?? I did! I love that you talked about Arise and Shine Forth! How is everything? Did you and Mom get HCT tickets or just went to that one! i'm totally jealous. I don't know if I told you, but easter weekend we went to visit Lauro and Maria and they were watching the Ten Commandments on TV and I was like "I know exactly what my Dad is doing right now!" haha don't tell me if you weren't doing that :] I just know that you love when they show the ten commandments on tv at easter. So do I :]

James, what is up! I didn't send your letter, I'm so sorry. But how are you? I feel like it's been too long since I've known how you are doing? How is summer school? How is work? How are the chicas? I had a dream that you dumped a girl and dad told me afterward and I was like "What?? I didn't even know he was dating anyone." and I was mad. ... so... if that happens in real life I'll probably be mad. :] Hows your friends? Dad said he's marrying Carter and Carter's girlfriend! Nice. That will be sweet.

Jonny, how was powell?? WAY FUN? Tell me about graduation? I am going to make you write me a letter somehow. I just want to hear what's going on and how you are. Tell me how you feel about what's going on in your life. DO IT. You have time, I know you have time. :] Love you.

Yall are the best. I love you so much. I wrote President today and asked him to change the music rule haha. So i'll let you know if he does. I LOVE the CD you sent me though Mom!! I take it in the car and then in the house when we go in at night and I love it!! I searched for Sar's mom in the pictures but I coudln't find her. That first song, the Praise to the Lord, The Almighty/FanFare is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah. I love it. Did you listen to it before? I love you! The church is Christs and the gospel is the truth. I love it and I'm trying to be a good representative. It's going too fast. This mission is the best thing I've ever done. Hands down. The most fun and the most difficult. I have never been more grateful for anything in my life. I love being in TExas! I hope yall are ready to come back. :]

Love, Sister hicken

PS WRITE TO ME!!!!! I want to hear from YALL. ALL yall! :]