and now...

the blog has got a little face lift.

let's talk.
coming home from my mission has been oh so hard. I've missed it like crazy. I've had the hardest time finding a new purpose. I've had the hardest time adjusting to the fact that everyone else's life moved on while I was away and I wasn't a part of that.

and winter semester was killer. (I got a bloody 3.59 though! How did that happen??)

and I've had the hardest time moving on with my life. Decisions that are hard to make- had to make 'em.

and I'm still alive.
ready to be the new me.

while I was gone, my brother wrote me a letter (james, such a champion, right?) and told me that when I went on my mission "jillian hicken" as everyone knew her ceased to exist and that I was now "sister hicken". and that was a good thing, not because "jillian hicken" was bad, but because "sister hicken" could be so much more. and that when I would get home, "sister hicken" wouldn't exist any more (the most heart wrenching, excruciating extraction that ever could have been. i reached up and clutched my tag for the entire process and sobbed. me. she-who-has-no-soul. this is another story for another time) and that I would be "jillian hicken" but a different one than I was before. That she could be better than even "sister hicken" was.

well, as difficult to explain that was, it was twenty times more difficult to actually do.
in fact I'm not done doing it.

but at last i'm ready to!
* * * *
I had a thought today. It has to be a conscious decision for me. Every day I have to decide to be in love with my life.
It's pretty charmed, but I fall into that heinous trap of comparison. Instead of falling in deep love with my beautiful life.
it's on the top of my "to do" list. :]